ing to each other? Make a list of what you have to do (dress the kids, walk the dog) and put conversation with your spouse as close to the top as you can. In fact, you should set aside some time every day, or at least every week, which is your time when you can talk about important mat- ters. Make this a ritual for yourselves.   Let the machine pick it up or take the telephone off the hook: Now I love telephones, and Im on them for hours each day, but just because the telephone emits a loud ring doesnt mean that it always gets first crack at your attention. Sometimes you just have to decide that you wont let the phone interrupt. If the two of you have finally found time to sit down and have a conversation, interrupting those precious moments to talk to somebody else makes no sense. Nobody is more important to you than your spouse, right?   Keeping together when youre apart In the days when the only way to communicate over long distances was with pen and ink, people actually wrote to each other. Now that the typewriter is passé, and we have computers and e-mail to make writing easier, people do it less and less.   If you have half an hour, and your spouse isnt around, write him or her a letter. Explain how you feel so you can get a jump start when you do get the chance to talk. How your letter gets there - via post office or e-mail - is up to you.   You can also jot down brief messages on sticky notes and leave them someplace where your spouse is sure to see them. Just make sure that those short notes arent always passing on a chore, or your spouse will dread seeing them rather than view them as something to look forward to. TEAM LinG Chapter 4: Courtship, Marriage, and Commitment: Getting to Yes 69     Writing yourself notes about what you need to communicate to your partner is a good idea. How many times have you said to your spouse, "I had some- thing to tell you, but Ive forgotten it"? If youd written it down, you wouldnt have that problem. So next time, do just that.   Letting communication between you and your spouse drift away into nothing- ness is very easy. Communication is something that you have to work at, and both of you have to put it near the top of your list of priorities.   Sex and marriage Even though most people dont state the word orgasm in their marriage vows, being able to derive sexual satisfaction with your spouse is certainly implied. But the sexual union between husband and wife brings more to a marriage than just the easing of sexual tensions. It also brings intimacy, which is another important component to the glue that holds the two of you together.   A marriage needs intimacy because it shows the world, and the couple them- selves, that they really have a special bond between them. That doesnt